the feeling escapes me

...

photo by Sam J

the feeling escapes me,
of a time when things were fine
 — the spirit of regularity,
is now a long lost aberration—
a fictional character
born of a different time…
the feeling, dear, eludes me
of when it once was all okay
childhood’s long been over,
and we know nothing stays the same
so…what will you make of it?
when today is a constant grind
to escape the grunge,
to rise above the muck,
to recapture the magic…
to catch something that reminds you
how to give a fuck,
makes you feel … unstuck
and maybe even young again
and brash
and fast
and strong
and full of zeal!
the contentment all eludes me,
but maybe there is something to it,
maybe it’s for the best,
because it’s the trying that keeps
us all alive,
keeps the secret fire burning deep inside
and this dank exposure to bitter elements
serves to remind us all
there’s only one direction left to go,
and, in theory,
that is up

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Garbage Notes:

It can be tempting to get caught up in nostalgia. The bitter longing for better times.

When I wrote this I was reflecting on the last time I felt completely okay, like, when nothing was bothering me and I had no worries at all.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has thought, wow, it would be so nice to be a kid again, and not have to deal with all the nonsense. With the daily grind and all the adult bullshit we face on a regular basis.

Life can be really heavy sometimes, with moments of pure joy few and far between.

People talk of their youth as if they were better human beings. As if somehow time itself destroys you.

But with each loss, each struggle, we don’t become worse off entirely. If we survive it, if we can move forward and fight another day, we gain something more important: Resilience.

If you think you’ve hit rock bottom. Okay, maybe there’s more bottom coming. But that can’t stop you from at least looking up.

As the poem says, “it’s the trying that keeps us all alive…keeps the secret fire burning deep inside.” So don’t waste your time wishing for a past that’s already done. You’ll find your moment again. There’s always more magic up ahead.

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Franco Amati 2025

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