this particular memory
only exists in two places
and it’s different in my head
than it will be in yours
so it goes, with each new
remembering
it changes…
now you sit way over there
with much better ones
that have shifted and shaped
and distorted the old—
these brand new stories
have pretty much taken
their place among the real…
but here I am holding
the last golden pictures,
paper-thin remains,
cracked and creased
and so very wrinkled,
watching them
continue to fall apart
in my hands
Garbage Notes:
Interference theory is a term in psychology related to memory. It says that we don’t just forget things because of the passage of time, but instead what happens is other information gets in the way.
Other memories, new things we’ve learned, new people, new places, new ways of doing things. All of these things interfere with our ability to pull up an event as it was.
I’ve been reading a lot of my old writing lately. And I’m talking old old. Like shit that’s over a decade old, literally from back when I actually studied psychology and memory and language and all this other real heady cognitive shit.
And the more I’m reading stuff from my old self, the more I find it interesting how memory can be altered and distorted. How new events and new tellings of those events can morph a narrative into something totally different.
What I’m noticing is that experiences aren’t static. The way life changes, the way you evolve as a person, and the novel ways in which you define yourself—it all shapes your perception of the past.
That’s why it’s fun to write about stuff that’s happened to you but from varying degrees of temporal distance. For instance, writing about an event just days after it happened is going to be vastly different than writing about an event a year later or ten years later.
So, my advice—if you’ve already written about a time in your life, then go ahead, write about it again. Go ahead and see what new shape it takes. Even if it’s just to see how beautifully different of a take you might have on it.
It’s no wonder artists will paint the same subject over and over again. Not because they want to make it perfect. But because with each new attempt, they see new things.
Finally, I want to highlight that in this poem I’m emphasizing the interactional nature of memory. In the line, ‘It’s different in my head than it will be in yours’ I’m lamenting over the fact that other people who’ve shared an experience with you probably won’t remember it the same way you do. Because the truth is, in the intervening years, they’ll have become a different person, just as you have.
Franco Amati 2023
One more beautifully executed piece, thanks for sharing it. As for your advice about revisiting memories and old writing, I've been doing that a bit lately and you're absolutely right. Interference theory has a lot going for it!
I was just yesterday remembering something from when I was very young -- and wondering if it actually ever happened.