She had the air of someone who wanted to have a real conversation. That she simply needed to have an interaction with another human being before leaving work for the day. That was something I never really understood. Why do people continue to socialize and linger around their workplaces once their work is over?
Maybe I’ve just never worked at a place where I could tolerate being there for longer than the required time, to the point where I actually felt like it was worth staying longer just to learn about the other lonely people. But I could always tell when someone had the urge to talk — when they had a need for it.
They meander. They look around. They do pointless things to postpone clocking out. They’ll tidy up stuff that’s already tidy. And they do it all with a sort of idly expectant look on their face. Waiting for something, anything. Any excuse to go down that peculiar rabbit hole of Getting To Know You.
It’s a formless intention that makes itself felt by the other person. The body just says, hey, I’m bored, talk to me — tell me something good, anything good. Please. But sadly, and so frequently, that unnamable desire settles for the inevitably disappointing alternative of talking about absolutely nothing with someone who wants absolutely nothing to do with you.
Garbage Notes:
I think this piece started out as a part of something longer. I don’t quite remember. There was this novel I had been working on, and I was writing a bit that focused on how lonely people tend to interact at work. How some are just dying to have some kind of meaningful social interaction because their entire lives are focused on their jobs, and they literally have no one to talk to outside of their fellow cubicle zombies. Which in and of itself is kind of a sad thing, but when you consider that a lot of those cubicle zombies are probably so stressed out and lost in their own disastrous mental worlds that they want little to do with other emotionally stunted zombies, the whole thing seems to take on the form of a grotesque sort of desperate nightmare.
I remember at this one particular job where every time 11:45 would hit, you’d start seeing people roaming around restlessly just to see who was available to eat with. Because god forbid you had to sit down in a room and eat alone for twenty-five minutes. Maybe you’d be forced to confront your own emptiness, and not just the emptiness of your stomach.
And then there’s the people who just don’t want to go home. Because maybe there’s no one else there. And they’d pretty much rather be anywhere else than in their big empty house. Or maybe it’s not an empty house, but instead it’s a place full of people who they hate or have nothing in common with. A social desert, so to speak, where the presence of other people who purportedly love you actually makes you feel even lonelier than when you’re nominally alone. These are workers who linger past 5pm. The ones who’d rather spend the night in their office inside a sleeping bag than in the ocean that is their own king sized bed.
I don’t know—I’ve always felt like good company to myself. To some extent I think it’s good to be your own best friend in a way. That’s not to say I don’t have other actual best friends. But there’s a part of me that loves the tranquility of solitude. A part of me that needs to work alone and relax alone. Even if it’s just to recharge so that I can get back up for the truly important and meaningful interactions I choose to have.
It’s nice when you can have those close ties in the workplace, but I’ve found it to be pretty rare, and too often it’s forced. I thrive better in a work environment with minimal social interaction. And I’d always rather talk about something deep with one other person I’m interested in than be all awkward and uncomfortable talking to any random person about absolutely nothing.
Franco Amati 2023
I've run into a few people who linger after work, and it's bothersome to me since I don't like small talk. But in nursing there's there's too much potential for being asked to work an additional shift. So unless someone wants overtime, they (me included) usually run for the door at the end of their shift before someone has a heart attack and they're stuck doing CPR and more paperwork. In fact sometimes we pack up our stethoscope 5 minutes before end of shift and prepare for our record time sprint to the exit. 😅