through the archives I find a manuscript
I wrote so long ago,
and it is so strange — it feels like
another person wrote these words…
it was put away, left to age,
awaiting new eyes
that would be more useful to it
someday — well, these eyes are new,
but they’ve also changed…
they see the cracks and the messiness,
the marks of a craftsman
who still has a ways to go…
but there’s so much here, so much drama,
so much pain, so much life
breathing on the page — so, I think
if it still draws breath after years
in the basement, buried in
a dank and dirty place, perhaps
it’s worth reshaping, sculpting
into something lean, something
worthy of the world,
and worthy of the hands
of a slightly more seasoned creator…
it is a snapshot of a time,
a time, in many ways before
an even greater fall,
a sweet stumble—
it creates a compelling stir
in the soul of its often cynical maker
Garbage Notes:
It’s weird reading something you’ve written years ago and seeing it with new eyes. In this case, I had decided to go back and look at an early draft of a novel from five years ago. This was before I even started submitting short stories for publication. Before I had published anything, really. And it was interesting to see how my abilities had evolved since then.
Little stylistic flourishes had emerged in the years since I had begun my writing journey. Things that now have become part of my signature style. I had also gotten better from a technical standpoint. But what was the most jarring thing was that the voice actually sounded so different. Like a totally different person had written it. And when you think about it, it makes sense.
Five years is kind of a long time in terms of writing progress. Especially if you’re going from one type of writing to another. Back then, the bulk of my experience writing was within a scientific field. I wrote very much like a psychology researcher. Terse, declarative, and to the point, with very little elaboration or variation in sentence structure.
A lot of my old prose had a sort of choppy staccato rhythm to it, which was very much a remnant of my old academic days, where you’re trained to say as much as possible with as few words as possible and make as many of the phrases come out in parallel constructions. Anyway, I can still write like that if I need to, but I’ve realized how expansive writing can be.
As a poet and as a speculative fiction writer, I’m always looking for new ways to express ideas. I believe I’ve found a more consistent voice because I’ve experimented with all sorts of genres, techniques, perspectives and styles. Of course, you find things that you like. I very much prefer writing in first person—to me it has the most raw, honest, and confessional quality to it. But also, I’ve found my flow. And this old thing that I wrote, just didn’t flow.
My older work didn’t have that easy to read, delicious quality that I always look for myself when I choose something to read. So, Krystal, thanks for requesting this one. I know you are evolving as a writer too. And I’ve seen great strides in your work over the years. So don’t stop. Keep on going, keep on improving, and keep showing the world your voice!
Franco Amati 2023
Wow, Franco. Great choice by Krystal. I would love maybe someday for you to read "awkward coffee small talk dude" or "eyebrows" sometime if you can. Those there are two of my favorites that I can remember.
I don't even dare look back at my old work. That said, I won't get rid of it, due to that faint hope that maybe it'll be salvageable some day. Thanks for another beautiful piece!