some days you don't have it

Photo by Sam J on Pexels

some days you don’t have it 
it’s gloom 
and it’s feeling tired 
and it’s a lightbulb 
that’s gone out…
the nice dim one that you like 
because it’s the only one 
in the house that’s not 
unbearably bright…
some days you don’t have it 
it’s rain 
and it’s feeling a little anxious 
and there’s nothing good 
in the fridge because no one 
has gone food shopping in days 
because life is just too busy…
some days you got nothing in reserve 
you’re the reader who doesn’t read 
a sleeper who can’t seem to sleep 
the writer who can’t spill a word 
the speaker who’s got nothing to say…
some days they’re like this, 
and you’re heavy with grief 
and deep disbelief in yourself…
and all the ones you want to love 
are too far…
and there’s nothing you can think of 
that will be any fun at all 
but it’s only one day
 — well maybe, it’s some days 
that are like this, 
but tomorrow you get a new one 
and that’s a gift…
feelings reset 
and your luck tends to shift, 
new chances open up 
and look, there’s the sky and the sun, 
and you get to see it all again 
on a day where you will indeed 
have it 
so, hold on 
hold on for it 
that day will soon come

---

Garbage Notes:

I wrote this piece on a night where a lightbulb died in my favorite lamp. It was the main one that I used, and I didn’t have a backup bulb. I remember it was kind of late in the day and I wasn’t going to be able to get another one until the following afternoon.

Anyway, I’m somewhat sensitive to lighting conditions and the loss of this particular bulb kind of threw me off. It put me in a bad sort of mood. And it made me think that there are some days where you’re going to have minor impediments that will get in your way. Other days you’ll have major, catastrophic events that will knock you out for much longer. Life just throws shit at you, and it’s not always going to be your day.

When it comes to writing, sometimes the barriers are internal. Even when everything around you is perfect, you might still have stuff going on inside you. You might be sad or distracted or angry and the words can’t break through that cloud of emotion.

When stuff like that happens to me, I do my best to rely solely on action. Put the pen in your hand, or the keys in your lap and just go. Say anything. Say all the things. Say nothing particularly profound. It’s okay to push ugly crap out of you in the spirit of breaking through. In the spirit of doing the work.

And then, the sun will go down. You’ll sleep. You’ll rest your mind. Your luck will change. And the sun will come up again.

You’ll have another chance at it. And while you’re still breathing, and still moving, you’ll find the strength to hold on. Because in time you’ll have your day.

Maybe this Bill Murray interview will help you get through. He talks about wanting to be present and aware—what he calls “being your own channel”. It’s about not getting too distracted. Asking your self, “are you here?”

And then finally, in this second video he talks about how he was so low and down on himself one day—this was when he started acting and he was struggling. He recounts the moment where the redemptive power of art saved his life and got him to the next day.

The part where he says, “The sun’s coming up anyway, and you’ll have another chance at it.” That line right there definitely was part of the inspiration for this poem.

Remember: You too are a person, and every day you’ll get another chance when the sun comes up.

---

Franco Amati 2024

If you enjoyed this piece, a paid subscription would be the best way to show your support. But if you aren’t ready for that sort of commitment yet, you can always send me a one-time donation on my Ko-fi page.