when you tell someone don’t be scared,
you are saying there is something wrong
with being frightened, something wrong
with expressing something honest
about the moment,
as if fear isn’t both an appropriate
and natural response to certain situations
it’s the same with don’t be sad or
don’t be mad or don’t be embarrassed
and whatever other ‘commands’ we impose
on the emotions of those around us…
to get in the habit of invalidating the true,
raw, and bold-faced realness of the person
standing right in front of you
is to go down a path of lies, of misperception,
of facades—it’s the whole intentional
masking of things about us that we inevitably
think other people don’t want to experience—
it will ruin us…
one of the greatest sins of humankind
is shame — the shame we invoke in
others with our words, even without realizing it,
and the shame we cannot let go of in ourselves
Garbage Notes:
Don’t let other people tell you how to feel. Your emotions are yours, and when the context warrants it, there’s nothing wrong with feeling a certain way.
Whether it’s feeling scared or sad or angry, it’s a human thing to want to express ourselves honestly through our actions, our words, and our body language.
One thing that annoys the shit out of me is when someone tries to diminish what I’m going through by saying something like, ‘oh, don’t be sad.’ Same goes for any other emotion. Insert whatever sentiment you like. When people try to tell you not to be x, y, or z, it’s because they can’t handle it. Not because there’s something wrong with you.
The same is true with the opposite end of the spectrum. When we’re feeling fine. When we’re feeling happy. When we’re feeling aroused or excited. Hell, when we’re feeling neutral, even. Others will try to drag you down in an attempt to bring you to their level. Don’t give in. They’re just being stupid or jealous or selfish.
Poetry is one way that helps me express my truth. Honestly, candidly—perhaps not always elegantly or beautifully—but to me it’s always more about delivering a sincere snapshot of how I live life, no matter how ugly or embarrassing it is.
Let’s not be ashamed of the darkness. Shame will destroy you if you let it. Be raw, be bold, and be real when you can. The more I practice this in my writing and in my everyday life, the better things tend to be.
Franco Amati 2023
Favorite person to listen to on this side is you
Insightful essay, Franco! I’ve never rejoiced when someone said don’t be sad. I’ve never felt a tidal wave of love when someone said don’t be angry. And I’ve never felt deep serenity when someone said don’t be afraid.
Allowing myself to experience painful emotions and unsavory thoughts is for me the road to freedom.