quick visit to the hospital cafeteria
one guy drinking coffee in the corner,
hat low on his face
tired janitor cleaning up a spill, sticky —
looks like juice or something
fluorescent lights above the vending machine
sort of flicker and buzz
trays are orange and brown, wet
I think of your blue fabric medical gown,
how flimsy it looked,
all bunched up to the side
this place doesn’t smell right
like the prepared food smells are competing
with sanitation —
the clash is sickening
I grab an iced tea and a chocolate milk for Tony,
and I guess two of these sandwiches will do —
doesn’t feel like eight o’clock
doesn’t feel like time’s a thing anymore, really
I think you won’t be the same after this
I think no matter what happens now,
everything’s changed
and that day I left six months ago
will always be the goodbye we didn’t want it to be
hold on, the nurse said —
we’ll know more in a few hours
get some rest, eat something —
cafeteria’s open all night…
if you need anything
let one of us know
Garbage Notes:
This one was born out of all the times I’ve had to visit sick family members in the hospital. It’s sort of fictionalized and doesn’t necessarily point to any one occasion in particular. Suffice it to say there have been plenty of similar episodes that could have provided the landscape for this poem.
Perhaps the most notable being the incident of my mother being hospitalized for a stroke about six years ago. It was a tumultuous time, and I was going through a lot of personal shit myself. The backdrop was that I wasn’t exactly getting along with my family that well, and I don’t think I had even seen my mom for months leading up to when it happened. So it felt like kind of a devastating blow to everyone.
She had been in the hospital for various reasons throughout my life, but this one seemed bigger and more substantial than anything that had ever happened before. The severity of it—the ramifications to her brain function—it was tough. I remember thinking, man, our lives—her life—is never going to be the same.
Over time, things improved. Our family came together and we figured things out as best we could. But even now, I can take myself right back to that hospital setting. All the sights, sounds, and smells of the hospital. It’s so vivid and so off-putting for good reason.
The doctors and nurses are always incredibly nice and helpful but in that frustratingly distant and detached sort of way, which is what I think I captured in that last line of the poem. ‘If you need anything, let one of us know.’ What else could a person need in that situation but for time itself to pass.
Franco Amati 2023
Beautiful writing. I could so relate.
What an insightful read! Fascinating observations and thoughts can be conjured from hospital visits. I have some running in my brain now as I have been at the hospital cafe often enough this year. Thanks for relating your personal thoughts in the notes.