materials from the library
are due back in three days
ha, I never return things on time
as a kid, if you lent me a video game
in elementary school, you’d
be lucky to get it back before college…
we all do this —
it’s true for other people too —
I can’t even tell you how many
of my own books I’ve lost
— prime Franco Amati editions —
with notes in the margins
and key phrases underlined,
all windows into my chaotic mind,
all gone, poof!
generosity squandered,
kindness undermined,
books never to be seen again, shit —
I really miss that old copy of Factotum…
you hear me out there!?
I still want it back!
no, I can’t just get a new one —
all my precious, original,
insightful notes are in there…
what am I supposed to do?
and you know what else?
every book I read has a little
treasure in it — a unique
real-world bookmark —
could be an old receipt,
or a crossed out to-do list,
or a free sandwich punch-card
from the bagel shop,
or one of those cards you get
to pay for your parking spot,
or a mini map from a museum,
or a ticket stub from the movies,
or an empty metro card,
or a coupon for a dollar off
an egg mcMuffin,
or anything really!
any artifact from the time period
when I was reading that particular book,
so whenever I go back
and skim through the pages
to revisit my favorite parts,
I find a bit of archeological
evidence to help place me back
to that time — that and just the feels
I get from re-reading all the shit
I underlined…
so that’s what you’ve taken!
if you are out there
and you have one of my
personal highlighted copies of my books,
my Franco Amati editions,
I hope you enjoy the paperback novel
which you’ve stolen,
but really, kidding aside,
it’s okay…
all can be forgiven,
borrowed book debts wiped away
all in the name of literacy, right?
of sharing literature with others,
of literary magnanimity,
because that’s all that matters…right?
no, but really though,
I want my fucking book back
“Are you sick now?”
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I don’t like people.”
“Do you think that’s right?”
“Probably not.”
― Charles Bukowski, Factotum
Garbage Notes:
I wrote this because a person I used to work with borrowed one of my books and never returned it. I had a few chances to ask for the book back, but I didn’t want to be rude. I figured they might just be taking their time with it, and I didn’t want to seem like a materialistic asshole trying to get it back before their last day.
Anyway, they’re still out there. My copy of Factotum is still out there. The book is probably stuffed in a closet or shoved under a couch pillow or something. Who knows. My precious margin notes and underlined passages, gone, poof, never to be seen again.
It’s true, though—I view the books as artifacts of my life. They’re tied to certain time periods. And the memories of particular quotes and passages—well, they leave a mark on you.
The ease of returning to a book, flipping through it, and seeing your own personal history stamped into the pages is kind of priceless. And I can’t even tell you how many times I am surprised and elated to find one of my quirky little makeshift bookmarks from the past. These impromptu place-markers are small pieces of autobiographical archeology that I leave for my future self. So that they provide a window into days gone by.
Some people keep a journal. My history is paved in poems, stories, and the content that I ingest from my paperback novels. I’ve never been one to have a lot of money to throw around. So buying books is kind of a big deal. They’re not cheap. I still borrow a lot of stuff from the library when I’m extra broke. But buying a physical book is very special. And when I lend it out to someone, it’s like I’m letting them experience a little piece of me. It’s like a secret glimpse into my mind. A passage into my consciousness. And it’s a thing that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
So as I said in the poem, if you’re out there (I know you are!) and you have one of my books—please, oh please, give me my fucking book back!
Franco Amati 2024
If you enjoyed this piece, a paid subscription would be the best way to show your support. But if you aren’t ready for that sort of commitment yet, you can always send me a one-time donation on my Ko-fi page.
BONUS NOTE: Hey, how bout this: any new paid subs from this post will go directly to me buying a new copy of Factotum. You’ll make Bukowski proud, and I’ll even give you a shout-out in a future post. To get credit, mention this post in the message section. No one is going to do this, I know it, but what the hell…does anyone even read this far down the post?? ha.
I like to write in the front cover where and when I was reading the book, and that way, if I give it away or sell it or lose it or it just up and disappears, one day, someone will open that front cover and see that some nameless dude was reading it back in <insert date here> while sitting on a beach in Aruba, or on a destroyer in 1996, or laying in bed on a lazy Sunday. I have one shelf of books that no one gets to take or even touch, but the rest can go on their adventures with someone else, and hopefully someone else will log their moment in time.
I’ve been fined late fees by libraries in five Iowa counties. 🙃