You say I’m better than this,
but if I really was,
we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
You say you’re worried about me,
but if you really were,
you’d spare me the aggravation.
Of having not only to deal with the fact
that this is where I’ve landed,
but to worry that my strife
puts you ill at ease.
Well, if I’m better than this,
as you believe I am,
then trust me when I say
that better carries on.
Better finds a way.
And it’s no thanks to the ones
who casually look upon the fallen
with nothing else to offer
than to merely say,
I’m worried about you—
you’re better than this.
Garbage Notes:
Hmm. This one’s pretty close to my heart and it came at a time when I was kind of lost, down on my luck. Not really sure where to turn.
Sometimes I’d think, like, man I really got a raw deal out of this whole life thing. A lot of the pursuits I’ve tried haven’t really worked out. But, to be honest, it hasn’t kept me from continuing on. It hasn’t stopped me from trying, experimenting. Continuing on as a creative person even when confronted with failure.
I think people get uncomfortable when they see struggle. They feel unnerved by the appearance of failure. The common phrase you always hear people say when things don’t seem to be working out is, oh, you’re better than this. And they always do it with that head tilted sideways like they somehow know better than you do. But often that kind of language comes out of misperception. A misunderstanding about the extent to which the person in question is actually trying. And what else can we do, but try?
Thing is, though, if those people really believed you were ‘better than this’ they wouldn’t have to say anything at all. They’d just be there for you. They’d be patient. They’d listen. They’d offer support without judgement. They wouldn’t criticize you for being in a hole.
There’s a lot of faux concern out there, and I think in order to continue on as a strong and stable person, you have to be able to spot that kind of shit from the real empathy that so many sincere supporters actually have.
People are often kind and people can be very generous, but ultimately you have to be discerning and believe in your own convictions. So, yes, you are better—better than this, maybe even better than them, but you don’t need to keep hearing that fake bullshit sympathy.
Franco Amati 2023
Yep. I think a lot of us writers are better than we've been led to believe. And we don't need to hear it; we just need to find that belief within ourselves.
So deep and so true. Thanks for your honest writing. I look forward to it now.