I shouldn’t have to lose important
parts of me to make myself accepted
cut entire slices off my past
to be more easily digested…
I’ll play the game
and I’ll dance the dance
but the hardest part for me
is to come to terms with the truth
that no one cares about your medals
from another time, no one wants
your withered accolades, your fruits
from a bygone era….
covered in the stink of failure,
drowning in a sea of rejection,
checkered by the missteps of youth
they don’t know what to say when
they see your puzzle,
they don’t know how to connect your dots
a product of the worst generation,
the unluckiest cohort of recent times,
born in the era of innovation,
when we believed that all kids were special,
but instead we were dragged through
the mud of our parents’ and grandparents’
narrow-minded and short-sighted transgressions…
so who will take me now?
who will give me my long-awaited recompense
who will see that mistakes make you stronger
who will see all the things I’ve done
as evidence that I can do a lot
that I am not lost but instead
that I will do whatever it takes to be found,
always willing and able to take
the impossible step,
to make a difficult change when it is necessary
who will see, who will see?
Garbage Notes:
Recently I was advised by someone that I should put my education down at the bottom of my resume. Why else but to make it less obvious that I’m way over educated for the position I was applying for?
I find myself doing this a lot lately. Downplaying major accomplishments of my past in order to portray a certain neater narrative of myself.
It’s kind of sad, though. It’s kind of bullshit, actually. The fact that we have to do this. That people aren’t open minded and flexible enough to see how skills in one domain can be useful in a completely different one.
As the poem says, “I’ll play the game, and I’ll dance the dance,” because, well, that’s what you have to do to get hired and get ahead. But, like, come on—even to the extent of hiding the fact that I know a lot about psychology? Or the fact that I’m a published academic writer and a published fiction writer? Is that so hard to reconcile?
The fact that I actually make some money at this thing that’s not particularly easy to make money at shouldn’t be something I have to cover up. Not talking about my varied accomplishments is kind of ridiculous. And yet I downplay it all. Because if I highlighted it, it makes me look like there’s this other stuff that matters more to me. That my priorities are elsewhere.
Well, yes. My priorities are elsewhere. I care deeply about my continued education. As a human being, as a scholar, and a creative writer. Is there something so wrong with that?
I don’t get faulted for my other priorities. That I spend time with the people I love. My family. My girlfriend. My cat. The fact that I like basketball and pulpy science fiction shows. Or that I make sure I get enough sleep and exercise.
Yes, of course, that stuff doesn’t go on a resume. I know that. That’s personal life, right? But the fact that I know certain professional-level things and that I communicate well and have an excellent command of the English language—you want me to conceal all that? Seriously, it all feels a little absurd.
Anyway, so that’s most of what this poem is about. The sad fact that we have to hide parts of ourselves to make certain impressions in order to get ahead.
Then there’s another element to this poem which is more of a Millennial’s lament. Me begrudging the fact that generationally speaking, my cohort has kind of gotten screwed.
How bad the job market was when we got out of college. The burden of student loans. How bad things got during the pandemic just as we should have been buying houses and starting families. How the Earth is kind of in rough shape. How all the animals are going extinct. How we should have had flying cars by now. Ugh. So much to complain about, right?
You know the story. I won’t make too much of it. But part of what this poem is saying is that there are many reasons why a person (or an entire generation) might look better or worse in reality than they look on paper.
There are societal factors. There are individual differences. There are so many things going on. But I wish the answer didn’t have to involve pretending you are a different product than you are.
For example, it should seem way more admirable that I had the courage and fortitude to change careers at the age of thirty than that I am highly proficient in Microsoft Office.
I wish our failures and our false starts and our disadvantages were looked upon with more respect and admiration than they are. Because, ultimately, it’s the failures that motivate you to do better. It’s the losses that shape you into a stronger and more resilient person.
Franco Amati 2024
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Oh, this is so true! We've got to market ourselves into neat little packages suitable for each job and it's ridiculous, really, like God forbid you know a little more advanced Excel and have a multitude of skills, Franco what if you take over the company overnight?
You know, Franco, when I listened to your entry, I gave it a like, like I always do, then scrolled down and read your notes...and walked away. I couldn't shake what you had written, and when I looked you up, I thought to myself, "holy shit, I'm not smart enough to be in the same room with this man... Why does he even bother to acknowledge my existence?" and it occurred to me this was precisely your point. The only thing that should matter is what you can do, not where you have been, what you have seen and done in the lifetime preceding where you are today. I forgive the left-handed slap to my generation, but this was a far more thought-provoking piece than I realized my first time through.